


I am a monster

by hawkeyeluvr991



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Mention of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2582357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyeluvr991/pseuds/hawkeyeluvr991
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story based off of comic from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkTD_uJ-udI</p>
            </blockquote>





	I am a monster

**Author's Note:**

> I actually originally wrote this for my Popular Literature class because we were supposed to write about the emotions of someone who had just murdered someone or something (it didn't have to necessarily be a person), so I choose Sollux's reaction if he actually knew he had killed Aradia. I even made myself sad just by writing this :( Please comment and/or leave kudos if you would like and enjoy!

Heavy darkness pulled slowly away from Sollux's mind as he came to, quickly replaced with pulsing colors of blue and red light that pounded against his skull like a ten-pound hammer.

He groaned and clutched at his head with one hand, wishing the voices in his head would shut up for once and leave him in peace.

He curled up, trying to get more comfortable in his recuperacoon before realizing with a jolt that he was not in the soothing embrace of sopor slime, but lying on hard ground.

He painfully dragged himself up into a sitting position, wincing and pressing a hand to his forehead as if to hold back the thumping agony in his brain.

He checked to make sure his four, short horns paired in two sets on his head weren't cracked or damaged in anyway. He let out a small sigh of relief when he found them intact, before noticing his glasses were not on his face. He quickly located his dual-colored glasses a couple feet away and found they were, thankfully, unbroken before shoving them back onto his face so he could finally see where he was.

His eyes widened as he surveyed the scene around him in disbelief. He was completely surrounded by the ruins of what looked like it used to be somebody's hive.

Large slabs of stone had toppled and smashed into the hard ground, causing spiderweb-like cracks to appear. Smoldering rubble was still almost too warm to the touch and radiated heat, wrapping around him like a suffocating blanket.

Oddly enough, something still seemed...familiar about this place, which worried him immensely.

He stood up slowly on shaking legs, cursing slightly as he almost fell right back down before catching himself.

He brought one hand up to his lips and found something sticky around them. He looked at his hand and his dual-colored eyes widened in dismay.

_Is...is this mind honey?_

His hand started to tremble as he stared at it and he frantically wiped the rest of the honey from his mouth.

_I didn't do anything bad...did I?_

He took deep breaths, trying very hard not to panic. It was probably just an abandoned hive and nobody had lived there for years. Yet, he couldn't shake the feeling that he knew this place. That he had been here before.

He gripped his hair as he tried to rack his brain for how he knew this place, ignoring the mind honey smearing into his hair from his fingers. He looked around for anything that would clue him in, scanning the desecrated hive. He spotted a pure white shape amongst the ruins and picked his way over to it.

His blood ran cold as he realized it was a slain lusus, crushed to death by piles of debris. Not just any lusus though. The curved horns that almost perfectly matched someone he knew very well were a clear giveaway.

_AA...oh god...Aradia._ His head swam as he struggled not to collapse. This was Aradia's hive, how could he not have known?

“Aradia? Aradia, where are you?” He shouted, his voice choked with worry. He ran and scrambled over the debris, not caring when his hands and arms were scratched and smeared mustard yellow blood onto the rocks.

She had to be okay. He had to find her. He was about to call out again when he noticed something in the corner of his eye.

_No...no please no...I didn't...no no no..._

_“AA, are you sure this is a good idea? Even Terezi warned you against it, and she hates Vriska even more-” Aradia placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently to silence him._

_“I just can't forgive what she did to Tavros. If I don't do something to teach her a lesson, no one ever will.” Determination glowed in her rust red eyes as she looked up at her friend, hoping to convince him. He sighed softly, knowing he would never be able to change her mind now._

_“Fine, AA, but be careful. Don't do anything reckless. Just know you have my psionics as backup, alright?” There was no way for him to hide the very apparent concern in his eyes, wishing he could convince her not to do this._

_Aradia smiled and nodded. “Don't worry, Sollux. I'll be careful.”_

He pressed the lifeless body against his chest, rust-red blood soaking into his clothes and covering his arms as he clutched her close. Sobs ripped out of his chest and wracked his thin frame, thick yellow tears falling into her hair.

“...Why didn't you listen to me?” He whispered, his voice cracking as he brushed her red-streaked black hair out of her pale face, his hand brushing her cracked horns curling around the side of her head.

Guilt stabbed through his chest like a million ice cold knives, except the pain refused to numb even with the cold.

“...I know it wasn't me just now...b-but this is still my fault...I'm...I'm so sorry, AA...”

His voice collapsed back into sobs, unable to form any more words. He wished with all his soul she could hear him. That she would open her eyes. That this would all be elaborate ruse or some horrible, horrible nightmare.

He threw his head back and screamed his anguish up into the bleak night sky, one thought ringing clear through the thousand voices echoing his cry in his mind tenfold:

_I am a monster._


End file.
